The unique beauty of finding rhythm amongst chaos. How music and a seven year old changed my worldview...

Part 1: Stay or go?

Part 2: Goodbyes and cries

Part 3: To the beat of the drums

Part 4: Fury of the storm within

Part 5: Homeward Bound

MONDAY 1ST JULY 2024

Day one, and I was about to call my family to tell them the great news- what a blast! I mean, c'mon- already?! I wasn't expecting this sort of drama until at least day two. But that's the funny thing about life, it has a weird way of surprising you. However, this surprise was fear- and it was bubbling up inside of me, growing in intensity as we reached Wednesday. The media didn't help. 'Life-threatening winds', 'monstrous storms', 'potentially catastrophic'- sorry, am I being pranked? 'Potentially'. 'POTENTIALLY'. Goodness. Potentially, come off it.

Now logic. Time to be decisive here. I wanted the 'hey mum, hey dad- surprise! I survived a hurricane!'. But given the media's awful depiction of the upcoming event, people were bound to find out, or worse, may already know. Therefore, once the hurricane happened, I would lose all power, no one would be able to get hold of me and ... yep, probably not the best idea to keep it secret. Big girl boots on- let's get the facts.

It was 8pm, approximately 48 hours before the big hit. Yes, Jess had decided she was leaving back to America, and Cynthia was booking anything she could find to get out of there- but I wasn't alone. I had Sam, Phoebe and Angel. I had three people in this house and Jade next door with her Mum, husband and baby. I grabbed some old scrunched-up paper, and a pen from my travel journal and got writing. One wobbly line down the middle and the words 'STAY' and 'GO' hit the page in large writing. Myself and Phoebe put all sorts down- our later regret for leaving, the PTSD that could follow if water started to flood in the house, the financial outcomes of leaving, the experience of loss, the whole lot. We even considered asking for help from one of the girl's boyfriends in the army. Yep, we were getting desperate. It was nearing 9pm. We were TIRED, and it was time to make the call. There was a question that needed answering.

Stay or go?

Should I stay or should I go? I'm sitting in my little blue house pondering over the question while sticking to the couch due to heat stroke. What would you do? Your first reaction, your innate response.

Stay or Go?

Let me know in the comments below.

Goodbyes and Cries

It was time to call Mum (because if I called Dad, he'd probably sleep through it!). I sat on the cold floor with the phone on speaker. It was 3am UK time. I expected no answer. But mum being the soldier she was, answered. Rightly so, she wasn't overly calm. I tried to keep my voice from quivering. It was tough. She was scared, much like I was. Mum then shakes Dad awake. 'Martin'- she says. Once Dad regained some sense of what planet he was on, he was straight to the point. 'You'll be fine''- ''Stay'' he says. ''Mar-TIN'', mum says sharply. She definitely didn't want him to say that haha.

It's honestly like this. There's the side of my brain that's the man brain- the tough love, the pushing me to ride through it. The side that doesn't use pure emotional reactions. The dad side. Then there's the other side. The panic, the fear, the protective instinct, the mum side. Now both sides were valid. Both sides were in me, conflicted. The emotional display of my feelings was seemingly being represented in the form of Mum and Dad. A bit like the Disney movie Inside Out. Mum- representing fear and anxiety. And Dad, representing the logic, joy and calm state. Both were important. Dad continues to guide me into staying. He outlines situations that might arise, tying his wisdom into a travel story he's been through. He told me everything would be just fine. I believe him. I then spoke to them both about my upcoming no-contact. Also, I wouldn't know how long this would be for. I can't lie, I wobbled. It was hard for me not to cry here. So I said goodbye, remained on the cold tiled floor and had a little weep.

Phoebe came in, comforted me, and I told her that I was going to stay. The lack of flights, the stress of finding them- we both absorbed our truth.

We got into our bunk beds. Trying to keep calm but life continues to test things. In this place there's a routine. And I don't mean pyjama, teeth and bed. I mean all those things but with the added extra of a cold shower before bed (to cool down), bug spray, mosquito net and sleep. The last challenge of the day was setting up Phoebe's net. And as this trip has taught me, it was time to get creative. And by creative I mean balancing objects and wedging items into the mattress to keep it in place. With the feeling of accomplishment in mind, we drifted off to sleep while the crickets sang louder drowning out any thoughts in my brain.

TUESDAY 2ND JULY 2024

1 day until impact

The day before the big hit. It was time to say goodbye to our lovely Jess :( Big hugs were given. Although it had only been two days of knowing each other, we spent the whole time by each other's side. This girl made me laugh so much. It felt far too soon for her to go, but it had to be done. She was so sad to leave but I could see the relief in her eyes. We were all so sad to see her go. My delightful morning look of fluffy hair did ease some sadness though. The humidity and the hair- oh my. I was not looking my best. It was early ok, her flight was- very early. I may have just dived out of bed.

With some gentle bullying and laughter aside, we watched her leave. And I can't lie, I felt a pit in my stomach as I watched her travel into the distance. She was able to get to safety. I couldn't help but feel a bit envious.

Now what followed as soon as we shut the door to say goodbye to Jess was truly spine-shuddering. Our leader and local contact Jade, (who lived next door with her baby and family) went so firm, so flat- and confirmed that the hurricane would be hitting us at a Category 4. We were told that we had to prepare the house for impact. Her words were brutal, she uttered the words ''Ladies, I'm going to need everyone to get all the tears out now as we're going to need everyone on top form''. I was so shocked at this moment. ''There's a lot to do so please, let's get prepared.'' She said with her voice sharp.

I looked around, all of us girls were wide and watery-eyed. Jade was hard at the core, but sweet. Strong, yet empathetic. 'We are all a family now, you girls have decided to stay so it's time to take action''. We're asking her so many questions. Power, safety, electricity, water- oh my brain.

''Jade, are we going to be safe here?'' I said. She avoids the question. ''I'm more concerned about the after-effects. We will most likely be losing power, water and electricity and we won't know how long this will be for. Things are about to get really uncomfortable'' Jade says.

There's this pause. It lasted for what felt like minutes. This anticipation.

Then, all of a sudden there are tears. Floods of them. But not from me, not from the girls- but from Jade. I was quite shocked. The internal battle is visibly shown here. Everything I was squashing down inside was reflected in Jade's actions. Her venerability and her openness were normal in this culture. It was so wonderful. I've always felt too ashamed and weak to express through tears, but coming from her meant everything. She perfectly outlined how someone could be so headstrong, so brave, so solution-orientated but real, honest and human. It was amazing. It was so real.

There was something so beautiful yet terrifying about this plot twist. ''We're family now'', she utters. ''I'm so sorry'' she follows. We all gather. "It's okay"- we all tell her tell. "We're a team". Now this moment was so real, she was so real. A mother with a four-month-old who was about to be stuck in the searing heat. While her sick mother, a group of girls and a business to run were all relying on her- her plate was well and truly full.

"Are we ready'', she says. I gulp so loudly.

Now this next scene if you will, was full of action. The first being that I slicked my hair back because ooh wow, I can't be looking that ugly in survival mode! We then just all just kind of used our initiative. I don't think we had a plan- we just all thought of something to help and did it. Phoebe went shopping with Jade to get well, anything. Angel was gathering shower curtains to block water coming in, Cynthia was ... napping, Sam was gathering first aid kits, and useful stuff to pop on the main table and I was washing out DISGUSTING old and mouldy coffee jars to use as lamps. Yes, I was in Jamaica making a DIY lamp! Why was that something I ended up doing- I had no idea. Jade started assessing the trees around the property and seeing where they might potentially fall and her husband began boarding up the house.

Just a day in the life ✌️

Things were tough. So instead of sitting around worrying, we decided to do some good. Jade called the school and we were still able to do our placement. It was now around 9:30 am (told you we were up early). The girls were hesitant. I weirdly was not, I wanted to make the most of everything. Regret nothing. So with my excellent persuasion skills, I convinced the girls to come with me. I couldn't understand why they were hesitant, to be honest. We were able to do exactly what we came here to do and I was not about to pass up on that, especially with the uncertainty ahead.

A sweaty taxi ride later and instantly a weight felt lifted. The contrast between the stressful situation was diminishing as we drove closer to the brightly coloured walls of the school. There it was.

To the beat of the drums

Before us shone the primary colours. Yellow, red, blue- everywhere. Lemon-shaded walls with blue accents reflecting off the burning orange sun. Lettering surrounded the paintwork, sketches, numbers, and people drawn on- it was incredible. I saw what looked like a swing set in front of me with a tower for kids to climb next to it. Drawings were displayed in the dirt with long sticks left beside them. In the distance, we could hear music. The lively carefree environment of this school started to diminish the stresses of my conscious mind.

We walk closer and the sound of laughing, drums and singing fills the air. A darkened sauna of a building with many smiley faces is what greets us. The kids were gathered singing, laughing and dancing. I don't even know how these kids were moving when the sun was blaring at 30 degrees, but they were, and they were loving it. They were here, smiling and dancing without a care in the world. The teacher was dancing and singing ramping up the scenes with intensity.

''I think I'm going to like it here'' I thought to myself.

The room was split into sections. The main classroom as you walk in and the different areas divided around. We got introduced, the kids got told we'd be working with them today and we got stuck right in. The kids I was with were about 6 and 7 years old and the other younger children were about 4-5 years old. Straight away, it was playtime. The kids grabbed my hand and we zoomed outside straight to the swings.

Fury of the storm within

Awh, that all sounds nice, doesn't it? Welcoming kids, laughter, playtime. Yes, it did sound nice- but, well, things took a turn quite quickly, The children got rough with one another. Two kids fought because they wanted to play on the same swing. They were pushing, biting, shoving and crying. I was thrown straight in at the deep end. The stronger child claimed the swing while the smaller child ran off, hid and started crying.

Now what did I do?

I followed the smaller child and sat with him. He would not speak, but instead had intense furrowed brows expressed on his chubby little face, avoiding my eyeline. I asked him what his name was. He was quiet. So I told him mine and asked if he would like some help. He nodded, looking at the floor. I then asked for his name and told him I could help him if he told me what happened. He tells me with a little whimper. He outlines the pushing and the swings. I asked him how he felt, and he replied- 'sad'. I thanked him for sharing and asked if he would like me to help fix it. He nodded. He took my hand and we walked over to the other boy. I told him to tell the other boy how he felt. I then followed saying that he would also like a turn. I suggested that one pushes the other then they swap. They loved this idea. High fives were given and we got back into the classroom where we went through Maths and English lessons with the children.

My first day in the school seemed to be successful. It made me realise just how angry and scared these kids were with their emotions and how trapped they seemed in their own heads. But their love and instant resilience were interesting.

| Observation note: The kid's anger transcribes in their play |

I then took the time to speak to Ms Dunne away from the children. The most patient, warm yet respected teacher I had worked with.

For context, with my degree in Education Studies, I worked with professors, have been in a good few schools and learnt a few bits about the system. But Ms Dunne was, different. She was so wise, so patient, so at ease in her practice. We talked about my background, her background, the teaching processes, and the children's home life. It was like I woke up right there. I wasn't sheltered- but respected and listened to. It was all so sad to hear, about the children's home life. The violence they were exposed to. It made my work here feel so important. Their backstories explained a route for their anger.

As the day unfolded, I realized the children’s emotional intensity mirrored the brewing storm outside. The hurricane warnings hung in the air like an invisible weight, impacting everyone, even those too young to fully understand. The rawness of their reactions—anger, sadness, and bursts of joy—seemed heightened, as if the uncertainty of the approaching disaster had found its way into their little hearts. While many of the kids probably didn't understand the worry of the upcoming hurricane, their short burst of anger represented my frustration towards an unpredictable and unfair event. Their resilience was a constant reminder that even in the face of overwhelming uncertainty, there is still joy to be found through connection, and strength. This was the lesson I learnt today, and it came from a seven-year-old and a four-year-old. While I helped them with their short-term anger, they assisted me with my longer-term pain.

It intrigued me. Made me stop and think rather than overthink. I had so many questions. The resilience in the face of chaos- that was my lesson here. Gratitude then swarmed over me. The world is full of chaos, but these children, don't get me wrong were very chaotic, but in the best way. Their worldview and their innocence, it was all important.

I came out of those gates exhausted, like I had worked a 15-hour shift. The mental energy and the climate differences took it out of me. But just as I thought I might dramatically flop into the taxi. It felt, cold. Cold as in air- air as in AC. OMG, there was AC in this taxi. For the first time in three days, I felt as though I could breathe. The crisp air, I felt... regulated... just for a moment. And my goodness it was beautiful. It was 5 minutes. But 5 minutes of pure gratitude- core, deep, present gratitude. It probably sounds so dramatic. But I mean that, such a unique experience that I had a new appreciation for it.

Homeward Bound

As I made my way back home, the weight of the day sat with me, much like the thick, humid air that clung to everything before a storm. The hurricane warnings loomed large, but it was the emotional storm I’d witnessed in the children that lingered in my mind. Their vulnerability, laughter, and fear were all tangled together, much like my own thoughts.

To lighten things up and restore our dehydration we stopped for some juice at our local petrol station. And let me tell you. This juice was... fantastic. Like someone had grabbed an apple and squeezed pure juice from it. We sipped our juice and ended up chatting with some locals. One man labelled tomorrow as 'God's Will' and another stated that he 'needed nothing'. I must say this did ease my mind a little. The Jamaicans are by no means materialistic- instead optimistic. The universe was comforting me here and that was so magical, reassuring yet unsettling.

Samatha getting all the room in the boot

Samantha was sat in the taxi giggling and telling us how much she loved the day. Everything felt so wholesome. We were all getting on, living our lives, being so present in every moment. Life can shift in just a singular moment. But this moment right here was a great one.

When we finally reached home, the sky had darkened, and the air felt heavier, as though it knew what was coming. It was late, we were hungry and what was on the menu was not the most thrilling. Pesto pasta to be exact due to our new stock. I was... barely hungry. We had such a wholesome day, and I wasn’t hungry... I.. wasn't.... hungry... Oh, my goddess- I wasn't hungry! WOW- things were bad! I'm always hungry!

I had mango for dinner while calling one of my best friends for a silly amount of time. We updated, we de-briefed, we shared all the gossip, and I shared my day, and they shared there's. I felt like I was back home for a moment.

It was official. We'd wake up and things would be starting- all the uncertainty. The big day.

Showtime was about to commence.

Stay tuned for the hurricane,

Goodnight,

XOXO

Eves.